Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I Brought You Into This World


This may take a little while, so I apologize to whoever reads this. My wife and I got into a discussion tonight about our parents and it is abundantly clear that we do not mirror each others affection for our parents. Her father is her "Parent of Choice", meanwhile, my Mother is mine. Both of our families are torn between WHO is the better parent and for deserved reasons. Her mother is a bit of a mess, and it's very clear when you meet her. However, to me, she is a lifesaver. She was blessed to have a child put upon her, who was not her own. Her daughter, Taylor, Kaiti's older sister, had a child when she was (I believe) 16 years old. The father spoke little english and is not around. Taylor left her (Mari) with her mother and is enjoying her life as an UNDERCOVER single, childless 20 something year old. Mari is an amazing young girl who I have had the priviledge of knowing for the past 3+ years. She is AMAZING. Super smart, super talented and more giving than any 9 year old that I have ever met. (She had beautiful long locks, and decided for herself, to cut them off for cancer patient children). She donates when she can and I can see nothing but greatness for her. Kaiti's mother, however, is a drunk. Very much so. There have been times where we go there while she is watching our children and it is Mari who is watching them, while her mother is passed out in mid afternoon. Life has not been easy for the woman lately (she lost a brother and sister in the same year). But my argument is FOR the woman. Her name is Lori. She is overwhelmed. I know she has good intentions, however, she has a beast on her shoulder that I have as well. Its name is alchohol. Granted my beast is more of a monkey at this point, but I know the effect a beer has when you are at the edge of your line. This monkey for me will be taken care of soon. Anyway, Zach, Kaitis brother, has NO repect for the woman who bore him because of the upbringing they had and the way she lives right now. I argue with him all the time about it because I believe a mother is the singular most important thing in your life. No offense Dad, but.... So that brings me to my situation. After my last blog, and talking about how much I loved that life, though there was nothing fancy about it, I have never loved a WOMAN as much as I LOVE my Mom. Whatever happened with her and my father, I have more respect for her than you could ever imagine. To my sister Jenna and my brother Ethan, who were fortunate to get out before the storm hit the rest of us, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW. Ever. That woman put her life and her health on the line because she insisted that she would not fail and she would not let her children down. I mean, put yourself in that position. I have taken my side in this but that is totally irrelavent right now. That was years ago. Had it not been for Candace Lynn Baker, some of us may be gone. She has taught me how to be a person and survive and above all, how to treat a woman. Nothing has ever been easy for us. It should have been, but for whatever reason, it wasn't. I am over it. I don't care anymore who did what because I am a grown man with children of my own and a family to support. My mother gave me the foundation and for that I am forever grateful. As for dad, man, that's still a little touchy. I don't answer his calls or send cards. He has offered his love and support numerous times. I do appreciate it. Trust me, I do. However, I have a bit of disrespect for him. He could have done it. I believe that a family should be together FOREVER. Maybe thats the excommunicated Mormon in me, but your children need you. Period. I was unfortunate enough to lose the first time, but it was not due to me. Yes, I'm better off this way, for sure. The reason we are on this planet is exactly this. Not just to procreate but to create as well. I love all of my children and would refuse to see any of them suffer. From 7 down, we have suffered. If you have never seen Candace bleeding from her high blood pressure with that helpless look in her eyes, then you know nothing. This is the love of my life. My HERO. She never let us down TO THIS DAY, and thank (whomever) for that. Finally she is happy and I thank David Foyt for that. That's a MAN. As for my father, I love you Dad. I always have and always will. I do NOT hate you. I may have, but I'm older now. You did what you had to do, and maybe the same misfortune will crash my party. But I am taking steps to prevent that. I will always remember the fossil hunting and your coaching in my days as a baseball player, PeeWee or not. You took good care of us during your time as our father and I am grateful. I guess I just would have done it differently. Either way, in both situations, they are FOUR. 2 Moms, 2 dads. We should love and respect them all regardless of what has happened. Sometimes the pull is stronger than the force. Life is just too short. We all know that. There WILL be funerals. I expect we will all attend and have positive things to say. Without these people, None of us would be here at all. My love is reserved for you all.

9 comments:

Abby said...

Word up on all of this, Micah. I like that you added the "you will never know" part because it's true..they will never know. The things we've gone through..the sacrifices mom made..it's all polar opposite of what they knew while growing up.

And seriously..how sad was it to see mom's nose stuffed with gauze like that? I always felt helpless when it happened..but she wasn't taking her meds so she could afford food for her kids..or to keep the lights on. She never did it because she was a slacker..it was a pick and choose situation. She already knows..but I heart her like super whoah.

Hannah said...

Mom is pretty great isn't she?


Everyone who ever talks to me hears me talk about how great my Mom is.

YogaNana said...

Life is indeed too short.

Love,
Mom

Jenna Consolo said...

Micah, this was really beautiful and honest. I'm proud of you for putting words to some of your feelings. I am grateful that I had a different experience than you did. But I also believe that we each got what we needed to be who we needed to be. I am grateful to have wonderful and close relationships with Mom and Dad, and much respect for both of them. The older I get, and the more life experience I have, the more compassion and less judgment I have for each of them. Life is so complicated. Marriage is so complicated. Poverty is the pits. Mental illness must be devastating. Mom is Superwoman, for sure. She is the shining example of supreme sacrifice, and everything I know as a mother I learned from her. Dad is also my hero, and much of who I am I owe to him too. He helped me during my darkest days. But I do understand that you younger kids had a different experience and different wounds, and I don't judge you for that either. I really hope someday we all have healing in our family. After all, it did start with a hell of a lot of love. Love you.

Hannah said...

Jenna just cursed.

Jenna Consolo said...

Hannah, you crack me up. I know, I know. I'm sorry, and I'll wash my own mouth out with soap, but I thought it was appropriate. Sorry if I offended. :)

Hannah said...

No offense taken. It made me giggle though

YogaNana said...

That's one of the things Jenna got from me. :o)

Saint Holiday said...

The Motherhood is a heroine to me, too. I'm still astonished that she was able to endure me and my depression for so long. I have nothing but profound admiration and love for her. She deserved better, but I could never find the way, and the frustration and shame reached bone-deep in me, as it does today. I love you, Micah, and I'm proud of your progress. May the Lord bless you and sustain you. May He enable each of us to find full reconciliation.