Sunday, June 21, 2009

David Holland

It has been a long time since I have posted anything. It's not that nothing has been happening, because believe me a lot has. We have gone to the museum and the fun park and everything. Things have been great.

Until a couple of days ago.

Kaiti was all set to attend her graduation ceremony from PIMA Medical School on Friday. Her father was in town to be in attendance and we were all so excited to watch her walk up on stage to receive her diploma. She received a phone call early that day from her old friend. She was informed that her best friend was hospitalized and the outlook wasn't so good.

David Holland has been in my wife's life for over 10 years and he was an outstanding guy. He is the Godfather of both of our children and the best friend Kaiti has ever had. He was hardworking. He was kind. He was GREAT with McKenzee, Madden and Mari. He was family. He would call sometimes for Kaiti and I would end up talking to him for long periods about football and we would always make plans to get together and BBQ and watch the game. He took care of my wife when she was down. He was her go to guy. In all the time they knew each other they didn't fight once. They were very close.

David had a problem though. Almost like the demons I had in my past. I struggled for a long time with drugs. Mainly heroine and Meth. I'm still not sure how I escaped the grip of them, but I did. Maybe it was when I got the call from Mom when she wasn't doing well and I had to leave the state and come to Colorado. David's demon was pills. It was bad. Kaiti had expressed to me her concern before. But it's only pills, right?

Recently, Kaiti had gone to his mother and expressed her concern which resulted in him moving back into his parents house so he could get clean. He was doing so well there. He was fixing himself and everything was great. When Kaiti would talk to him she would always relay the message of how well he was getting.

But this night, he must have been lonely.....desperate....couldn't sleep. Late on Thursday night he recieved a phone call from a "friend" telling him she had some really strong Oxycontin. He invited her down to Colorado Springs from Denver. She jumped at it.

He took two.

The next morning they tried to wake him up for work but he wouldn't wake up. They figured he was just hungover or something and let him sleep.

It wasn't until later that they realized he wasn't breathing. He was hospitalized in ICU. The machine breathed for him. He showed very little sign of waking up, but he wrapped his pinkie around Kaiti's finger when she tried to hold his hand. His eye opened for a minute but it was a blank stare.

His body stiffened like he was having quick seizures. His wrist twisted with a half fist showing sure signs of brain trauma. They gave him a 2% chance of waking up.

But he's David. He's a strong man and it's way too early for him to go. I tried my hardest to stay positive. I got angry with Kaiti when she'd cry saying, "He's gonna wake up." I just had to believe that he would be OK.

Not yet...not yet...not now.....

Sunday morning comes and the phone rings early. I answer, mostly asleep, and the lady on the other end asks for Kaiti. I knew it then. I handed Kaiti the phone and she declined, still asleep herself. I said, "Kaiti, I think you ought to take this." Not more than 10 seconds was to be. David had passed.

It just doesn't make sense to me. With all the shit that walks this earth, WHY? My poor angel has to live each day now without her best friend. When we first got the news he was in the hospital, we were with some friends. One of them works in a hospital and he described the things he has to see. Seeing people die. Daily. He texted his boyfriend one night just to say, "I hate it when they die. I love you."

I just don't get why she keeps losing people. She doesn't deserve to be so sad and it breaks my heart because all I strive to do in my life is to see her happy. I don't care about anything else. I would do anything for her. But to see her shattered and not know how to put her together again is the most defeated feeling I've ever felt.

I understand the reality of death. I know that tomorrow is not guaranteed. But losing someone is always difficult. Especially your best friend. Never before has it been more clear to me that I should (and will) tell my children and Kaiti how much I love them and appreciate them everyday. Tomorrow is too late. We have buried her aunt Kelly, her uncle James and now her best friend David. It's been happening too often. I just look at her and taer up knowing the pain she's endured lately. It's always something. I don't know what else to say but-

I hate it when they die. I love you.