David Holland

It has been a long time since I have posted anything. It's not that nothing has been happening, because believe me a lot has. We have gone to the museum and the fun park and everything. Things have been great.

Until a couple of days ago.

Kaiti was all set to attend her graduation ceremony from PIMA Medical School on Friday. Her father was in town to be in attendance and we were all so excited to watch her walk up on stage to receive her diploma. She received a phone call early that day from her old friend. She was informed that her best friend was hospitalized and the outlook wasn't so good.

David Holland has been in my wife's life for over 10 years and he was an outstanding guy. He is the Godfather of both of our children and the best friend Kaiti has ever had. He was hardworking. He was kind. He was GREAT with McKenzee, Madden and Mari. He was family. He would call sometimes for Kaiti and I would end up talking to him for long periods about football and we would always make plans to get together and BBQ and watch the game. He took care of my wife when she was down. He was her go to guy. In all the time they knew each other they didn't fight once. They were very close.

David had a problem though. Almost like the demons I had in my past. I struggled for a long time with drugs. Mainly heroine and Meth. I'm still not sure how I escaped the grip of them, but I did. Maybe it was when I got the call from Mom when she wasn't doing well and I had to leave the state and come to Colorado. David's demon was pills. It was bad. Kaiti had expressed to me her concern before. But it's only pills, right?

Recently, Kaiti had gone to his mother and expressed her concern which resulted in him moving back into his parents house so he could get clean. He was doing so well there. He was fixing himself and everything was great. When Kaiti would talk to him she would always relay the message of how well he was getting.

But this night, he must have been lonely.....desperate....couldn't sleep. Late on Thursday night he recieved a phone call from a "friend" telling him she had some really strong Oxycontin. He invited her down to Colorado Springs from Denver. She jumped at it.

He took two.

The next morning they tried to wake him up for work but he wouldn't wake up. They figured he was just hungover or something and let him sleep.

It wasn't until later that they realized he wasn't breathing. He was hospitalized in ICU. The machine breathed for him. He showed very little sign of waking up, but he wrapped his pinkie around Kaiti's finger when she tried to hold his hand. His eye opened for a minute but it was a blank stare.

His body stiffened like he was having quick seizures. His wrist twisted with a half fist showing sure signs of brain trauma. They gave him a 2% chance of waking up.

But he's David. He's a strong man and it's way too early for him to go. I tried my hardest to stay positive. I got angry with Kaiti when she'd cry saying, "He's gonna wake up." I just had to believe that he would be OK.

Not yet...not yet...not now.....

Sunday morning comes and the phone rings early. I answer, mostly asleep, and the lady on the other end asks for Kaiti. I knew it then. I handed Kaiti the phone and she declined, still asleep herself. I said, "Kaiti, I think you ought to take this." Not more than 10 seconds later....it was to be. David had passed.

It just doesn't make sense to me. With all the shit that walks this earth, WHY? My poor angel has to live each day now without her best friend. When we first got the news he was in the hospital, we were with some friends. One of them works in a hospital and he described the things he has to see. Seeing people die. Daily. He texted his boyfriend one night just to say, "I hate it when they die. I love you."

I just don't get why she keeps losing people. She doesn't deserve to be so sad and it breaks my heart because all I strive to do in my life is to see her happy. I don't care about anything else. I would do anything for her. But to see her shattered and not know how to put her together again is the most defeated feeling I've ever felt.

I understand the reality of death. I know that tomorrow is not guaranteed. But losing someone is always difficult. Especially your best friend. Never before has it been more clear to me that I should (and will) tell my children and Kaiti how much I love them and appreciate them everyday. Tomorrow is too late. We have buried her aunt Kelly, her uncle James and now her best friend David. It's been happening too often. I just look at her and taer up knowing the pain she's endured lately. It's always something. I don't know what else to say but-

I hate it when they die. I love you.

My girl is all grown up

It makes me so happy as a husband to announce that my little bride is currently finishing her last day of school today. I am so proud of my Kaiti that I don't know how to put it into words. She has so much potential and has blown me away with how smart she is. I tried to help her with her homework, but honestly, it was a bit much for me. It just made sense to her. The amount of abbreviations you have to learn is in the thousands and she just memorized them like it was nothing. We're talking about a girl who suffered a serious brain injury not too long ago and has had trouble remembering anything, even things that happened recently. A girl who would tell you the same story several times because she doesn't remember telling you already. A girl who would tell me she wanted to see a movie...that we already saw in the theater. But it's a girl who is so motivated to do good for herself and dedicated to proving everyone wrong. She is a role model to me. I remember in the past years how sad she was all the time. She just felt like she wasn't going to be able to reach her full potential. She had to drop out of school after her car accident and was at a stalemate in her life. Staying home everyday taking care of the children and not doing much else with her life to make HER happy. I believed in my girl when I mustered up the money to send her off to get her GED (which she aced), I believed in my girl when she enrolled in school the very next day, and I believe in my girl today, as she will graduate with a whopping 3.9 GPA. She's the first in her family to graduate from college. I AM SO VERY HAPPY AND PROUD OF YOU, KAITLIN. YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND YOU CONTINUE TO AMAZE ME. CONGRATULATIONS BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE YOU.

Can you even wait?!?

I am DEFINATELY taking the babies to see this.

Oh crap.

Just when I thought we were done with winter.....



Here comes the motherload. At least 15 inches expected.

I'm bored.

Home from work again and watching a lot of Youtube. Let me bother you all again with some more of my favorites.

Still out of action

Sorry I haven't been around as much as I'd like, but I am having real trouble with my mouth. I got two more teeth pulled, and it was miserable. It wouldn't be so bad if they were "teeth" instead of shards that have been shifting around under my gums. None of these "teeth" have come out easy. These ones required stitches. I still have to have 4 or 5 more pulled. I am going to have no teeth left. But the dentist has a plan for me so whatever. I can barely focus on the computer screen right now from the throbbing going on in my face. What's worse is another of my bad "teeth" has become absesce today. I am still not healed from my first dentist appointment either. Dr. Smart (my dentist) says it's because they had to remove bone from my jaw and that takes longer to heal. Plus there are still root tips embedded into the sawed-down jawbone. I can't even tell you the pain I'm in. I originally wanted to just knock it out quick, but I'm gonna take it easy for a little and really heal what's been done so far before I do my next visit. It's causing me too many problems and I have missed too much work. Oh yeah, and when I got my fillings done, the dental assistant couldn't get the proper bite for one of my teeth, so now my bite is off and it hurts to close my mouth because one tooth feels much taller than the rest. I need to get that fixed somehow.

I will try to keep up with everyone as best as I can. Sorry I'm a big whiner.

Miserable

I just got back from the dentist and I am in some serious pain. The tooth they took out couldn't be fully removed. The root tips are curled up into my jawbone. My dentist took some bone off to try to get as much as she could and then said "Not even an oral surgeon would go after the rest of that." I got four fillings also. The cavities were pretty deep so it made for an even more miserable time. I asked for the metal fillings, but they gave me the plastic ones. I also got some periodontic work done on the bottom right quadrant of my mouth. They cleaned it up pretty good. You never really know how bad your mouth situation is until you have a dentist prodding around in there. So, I am in some major pain, waiting for this Vicodin to kick in and it is off to bed for me. One quadrant done, $800 down. Three more to go. I haven't even got the major stuff done yet and I already wanna quit. The dentist assured me that the worst of it was over, judging by the x-rays. I hope that's true. This is going to be a heck of a process