Here's to hope

Sorry I have been absent for so long. I have had alot going on. I am working two jobs now, 7 days a week, trying to catch up. I have had very little time to do anything at all. I'm getting there though and soon I will be posting like a mad man again. I have missed you all though.

So, what's new in the world? It's a new year of course and I have a very good feeling about it. Kaiti will be finishing school and becoming the first O'Malley to get a degree (Yay!!!!). I'm not sure if she will continue her schooling or just get a job or maybe go to school while she's working, but they are building a new hospital across the road from us and it would give her a great opportunity.

Our holidays were great. Thanks to the parents and grandparents. Money has been tight but we are very blessed with generous family. I'm not one for presents anymore. I really just enjoy the holiday spirit and the atmosphere. But Momma dearest and David hooked me up with my very own iPod that I've been wanting FOREVER. It was no fun going to the gym with my CD walkman. Plus our car stereo doesn't work, BUT if you plug the iPod into it- "Voila!" It's a beautiful thing. I have all my pictures on it and like 800 songs, plus a couple TV episodes. I love it. Thank you very much Momma and David.

New Years was New Years. I really don't give a crap about New Years Eve really. As a recovering alcoholic, it's just another reason to get drunk. I had a few beers and a glass of champagne at midnight. I toasted to becoming a better father, husband, son, friend and brother. I've been doing very good. I'm not making any more promises about sobriety though because I think I'm jinxing myself. I'm just going to take it one day at a time.

I'm also going to focus on my art again. I watch Noah draw and it's effortless. He spent some time with us over Christmas and Thanksgiving ( apple-turkeys and graham cracker house building), and he would just sit there and draw. He's a very brilliant man. I wish I had the money to back him and get him published. It may very well be the best investment you could make right now. I know his time is coming soon though.

I'm not sure what medium I will focus on because I love to paint, but I also like to just draw. And I kinda want to dabble in childrens books. Who knows.

What else.... O yeah, I gave in and purchased the magicjack. If you don't know what it is, it's a jack that you plug into your computer that gives you phone service for $19.99 a year. Not a month, a YEAR. It's pretty fantastic. The only thing I don't like is the caller ID is constantly displayed on your computer screen. So, say you're out in the living room and the phone rings, you have to go to the computer to see who it is. Not a big deal, but I don't really care for that part.

Madden turned 2 on the 1st. I really wish he wouldn't have been born so close to Christmas. I know Camdens birthday is on the 29th of December so thats gotta be even worse. What do you get for someone who just got everything? Very frustrating.

Anyway, I will try to post some pictures soon, or maybe even a video. I'm not feeling too hot right now. I will talk to you all soon.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everybody!!!!!

She's home!!!

Finally Kaiti has been released from the hospital. I picked her up around 4 o'clock and we were very happy to see our momma. They had no real answer for what caused the seizure. They had more test results that they were waiting for but they decided that because of her age and health that they could let her go. If they find anything in the results that are out of the ordinary then they will call us. She seems to be doing fine but her body hurts. Otherwise, she's getting around just fine. They said she can't drive for 6 months but I'm not sure how that's possible. We'll have to figure some things out. Anyway, I'm going to go enjoy the ol' ladys' company for awhile. I'll write more later.

I Love You, Kaitlin.

I guess it's true that you don't know what you've got until it's gone. Or in my case, almost gone.

Today was a bad day. Kaiti and I had been arguing about something stupid and I decided to just leave. I had to buy a new uniform for work. I was gone for about an hour when I decided to come home. I was going to go get a haircut and pick up a few groceries so we could survive another day. But I didn't. I had to get home.

I turned on the computer and started browsing away, while Kaiti laid on the bed next to me. She was about to fall asleep for her afternoon nap when suddenly she sat up and said, "Oh, No."

I looked over at her and she was flexing her fingers and fanning her face. I was sure it was an anxiety attack. She gets them from time to time and they usually blow right over. So, I watched her and asked, "Are you OK?". She wouldn't respond to me. Numerous times I repeated the question, and every time I got no answer. "This must be a bad one", I thought.

She started to calm down so I laid in bed with her. Not more than a minute later she sat up again with this crazy look on her face and said to me,"I'm going to go to sleep now."

She fell off of the bed violently and began to seizure. Her body was stiff, her head tilted back, and her arms were flimsy. She shook crazily and made horrible sounds. Blood dripped from her mouth. I sat next to her trying to calm her down as Mari watched, crying her eyes out.

I ran for the phone and called 911. Tears poured from my eyes.

I had never felt so helpless.

I stayed on the line with the paramedics as Kaiti continued to flail away. With each motion, my heart broke a little more. Thank God the children were sleeping. Even I can't get over it.

It went on for a good 4-5 minutes. For the whole phone conversation. And then, she stopped. No pulse, no breathing. I felt her wrist and then her neck over and over but I got nothing. This is not happening. Then, a violent breath. and another.

And she began to snore. Her breathing was bad, but it was breathing. Long inhales, lazy, long exhales. I rolled her on her side so she wouldn't swallow her tongue and I ran my fingers through her hair trying to comfort her. Her eyes were still partially open and a blank stare looked up at me as I gazed lovingly and completely desperate into her eyes.

The paramedics showed up about 5 minutes later. Six of them stormed into the house and began checking her vitals. They confirmed it was a seizure and carried her down to the ambulance. She wasn't responding to anything she was asked. The doors to the ambulance closed and she was gone.

I quickly got Zach to come over to watch the kids. Then Mari and I got in the car and headed to the ER to meet up with her. I stayed for about 5 hours and they ran multiple tests on her. About an hour after she gained conciousness she started to come around. She had no idea what day it was, where she was, or anything. The doctor said he needed to keep her at least overnight to monitor her and do more tests.

So I waited it out with her in the ER until she had to go to her room. I layed my head next to hers and wrapped my arms around her as she fell asleep.

"I love THIS woman", I thought in my head over and over.

I kissed her lips, told her I loved her, and walked out the door with my head down. Tonight the hospital has my wife. Tommorrow I want her back. And I want her fixed.

I love you Kaiti-bean. With all my heart and soul. I miss you already. You know, I complain alot about how broke I am but tonight I realized what I really can't afford and it had nothing to do with money.

Sweet dreams beautiful. I'll see you bright and early in the morning.

I'll be the guy with the roses.

It's SNO-O-Owing!!!!

Christmas is comin', y'all!

Blasted teeth

Like most of the VanSciver's, I was blessed with chalk like teeth. Lately they are just killing me. My front teeth are fine and when I smile, you can't really notice the trouble in the back. My teeth are like the mouths version of a mullet. Business in the front, party in the back. Everything was going just fine and then all of a sudden I felt this crazy pulse run through my molar, up to my eyeball. The next morning I woke up and my gum was swollen. I have had many abcesses in my time, but the ones before would swell out and make my cheek swell and continue through my face until my eye was swollen shut. This one was swelling up the roof of my mouth.

I have been having enough trouble sleeping as it is because, yes, I am still sober. Last night was horrendous. I tossed and turned and got small intervals of sleep until I woke up having difficulty breathing because my nasal passages were being blocked. The right side of my face was in so much pain. Something had to be done.

I took a safety pin, heated it up to sanitize it, and jammed it through the bubble on the roof of my mouth. It began to bleed something fierce and i squeezed every bit of blood out of it until the swelling was gone. I rinsed my mouth out with listerine and drank a ton of water.

It was not pretty, but I have no insurance and couldn't afford to go to the ER or to have a dentist drain it. I missed work yesterday because of it and I can't miss anymore.

I don't recommend it to anyone, but the problem is solved now. For the most part at least.

As I mentioned, I am still sober. I am doing very good. The only problem is re-learning how to do things. Like sleep. It is wierd trying to fall asleep without just passing out. I have been drinking for over 10 years, and drinking alot. Now I just lay in bed until Kaiti gets sick of the TV being on and then I resort to the living room for the rest of the night.

I want to drink but I am keeping my promise. My cravings have gone down and I have been feeling better physically. I am still tired all the time and my body is adjusting a little slower than I hoped, but I am waking up in a better mood and feeling better throughout the day.

Thanksgiving is coming and I am pretty excited for it. I'm sure we'll be eating at Grandmas house, but I decided to adopt the apple turkey tradition this year. The kids will love it.

Christmas is also in the air and I am so happy. It's my second favorite time of the year. I can't wait to get a tree and decorate the house and all. I plan on loading up on all of the best DVD's and drinking a lot (of hot chocolate) and wearing Cosby sweaters. What ever happened to caroling? Nobody does that out here. It seemed so common when we were growing up in New Jersey. I remember our church would go do it every year. I miss that for some reason. The Christmas lists are pouring in and Kenzee wants this and this and this. Oh, and that too.

We are keeping it a little more on the minimal side this year because they are so spoiled by grandmas and grandpas and everyone else. It reminds me of when we were kids and Dad would go downstairs and exclaim, "He Came!!!!". The living room is just filled with toys. And though at the time it seems like you're doing good by spoiling them, it is too much trouble trying to find places to put everything. So, we're going to set a limit for each kid and stick to it.

In other news, we have been offered a house here in Lakewood that we could rent. It would be perfect but it is a little bit pricey. I have been dying to get out of this apartment for a long time now. This is our fourth year in this 2-bedroom hut and we just don't fit anymore. The house is huge though. It has 6 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 3 living rooms and is 3 stories. It has a full front and back yard. The backyard has a dog run, in case I ever get that dog I always wanted. Even though it's an English Bulldog that I want and I don't know how much he'd use a dog-run, it'd still be nice.

The house belongs to a friend of ours and his family. Our friend is being deployed and his parents want to move to Nebraska. They don't want to sell the house altogether and told us they'd like us to live there. The mortgage is $2100/month, but he said he'd let us rent it for $1800. Kaiti and I would take one room, the kids would get their own rooms and then Zach (brother-in-law) would get his own room. That leaves two rooms open. Right now I pay close to $1000 a month for where I live so I wouldn't mind paying the same for ALOT more space. We need one more person who is trustworthy and doesn't like to party. It's still in the early stages but I'll let you know.

Also, I am a bit late but as I said before, yesterday was a bad day. I want to wish Abby-Dearest a very happy belated birthday. We love you, sis!

Happy birthday, sweetheart!

It's hard to believe that my baby is 3 years old already. Time has just flown by. Soon, she'll be in school and then dating and before you know it I'll be crying my eyes out as I give her away at her wedding. But she won't be dating until she's 25 or so, so I guess I still have time. We had her birthday party at great grandmas. She had a princess cake and got lots of presents. She got new skates, a stroller with a baby, movies, and a bunch of other stuff. We ate Little Ceasars pizza and drank Big K soda because it's cheap, but delicious.

Kenzee isn't taking being 3 too well because we made a deal that when she turned 3 she had to get rid of her "Elmo cups". Her Elmo cups are sippy cups. It's time to move on to big girl cups. She doesn't eat very much of her meals because she always has that cup attached to her face. She was OK with it yesterday, but today she's confused. I guess she thought she was only 3 yesterday. Time to grow up little one.





After reading the Nielsens blog and following the links on Abby's post about the Nielsens, we had an idea to do a balloon launch of our own. McKenzee's great uncle and good friend, James, died on her birthday two years ago. So, after her party, we wrote notes on little pieces of paper and sent them to the heavens for James and his sister Kelly. We miss you guys!!!









Kenzee's great uncle James and great Aunt Kelly. This is a pointalism picture I drew for Great Grandma Mary after James died. Kelly had died a year earlier.



And to think they used to be babies. (Calix and McKenzee)